Thursday, February 24, 2011

Is That I Should

"Because I don't know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should"
~Missy Higgins, Where I Stood

I'm so depressed right now. I had a not so great day yesterday, and now it is 3:46am, and I am sitting her sulking instead of doing homework, which I desperately need to do. Feeling this way sucks. And, yes, the rational part of me knows that only I can change the way I feel and if I want to make a change, I need to do it, blah, blah, blah... I just don't feel like it right now. I want to hibernate in a cave of covers. I want the world to melt away into yummy fuzzy dreaminess. I guess I want to escape reality for a bit.

And, the reality I want to escape? I think I have this just general overpowering feeling of not being wanted at the moment. And, yes, once again I know I should just change my situation and surround myself with people who do genuinely want to be around me and love me, but I just can't find my footing lately. It's like I've fallen and I can't get up, and I don't have a handy life alert bracelet to come to my rescue. I'm just laying here absorbing the smooth coldness of the floor.

I don't know. I'm just not in a good place right now in my head. Yet, I know what I need to do and just can't do it.

I just can't do it...


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