Monday, February 21, 2011

Epiphany

"Maybe I'm a dreamer
Maybe I'm misunderstood
Maybe you're not seeing
the side of me you should

Maybe I'm crazy
Maybe I'm the only one
Maybe I'm just out of touch
Maybe I've just had enough"
~Sick Puppies, Maybe

So, I sit here, at work, actually working but on the kind of automatic mindless task that allows a person to much time to ponder life, and BOOM, it hits me. Just a thought, and one I've had many times before, and I suddenly can't focus. Must get it out. Must blog.

The thought? It's me. It's all me. The reason relationships don't work... Why I get the wrap as the moody bitch... Why most my family thinks I'm the hopeless black sheep... It's me. I am back in that dark place that somehow I keep slipping into. I work so hard to claw my way out everytime, and then somehow, when I'm not looking, I slip back in and it's total regression. Return of the self-loathing, the jealous sarcasm, the inability to maintain any degree of patience, the anger and blaming... UGH.

So, now it's back to square one. I guess part of me knew what my mind hadn't yet accepted, because I was trying to get back into blogging, which has always been my catharsis before. Here we go then. This has switched from hobby to therapy again.

Okay, break is over... Back to work... ;o)

~Jen

3 comments:

Envy Green said...

Blogging is like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich... it's always there when you need it.

Meowlissa said...

Aw my Jen <3

Some days I feel like telling anyone and no one to kiss my porcelain round ka-hiney. All higher powers know what might happen to the forces if I didn't blog. Or draw. Or paint. Sigh. Sometimes, even day therapy doesn't work.

Anyway sending good vibes and hugs and love your way. Momma needs a cookie and a cocktail. I'll share one with you from all these miles away :)

jenvampvegas said...

Mmm... Talking of peanut butter and jelly and cookies and cocktails. You all are the best! :o) Thanks for the comments. <3