"I guess it's over baby, it's really over baby
And from what you said, I know you've gotten over me
It'll never be the way it used to be
So if it's got to be this way, don't worry, baby
I can take the news okay
But, if you see me walking by, and the tears are in my eyes
Look away, baby, look away
If we meet on the street someday, and I don't know what to say
Look away, baby, look away
Don't look at me, I don't want you to see me this way"
(Warren, 1988)
It has been three and a half days. I have accepted it is finally over, and I am trying to get over it. In the past, this would've consisted of putting on a happy face while sobbing in my closet when I was finally alone. I decided to take a different approach this time, mostly because the tears haven't come yet, just a deep sense of ache and numbness. Instead, I am embracing my depression and moping and sleeping and listening to break-up song after break-up song. And, I feel okay. Sad, yes, but not ready to throw myself off a cliff or anything even close to that. I feel like I am in the middle of the tunnel, and although I don't feel like walking very quickly towards it, there is a light up ahead. I know this will pass, and I know I will be better off for it.
In a related note, isn't it amazing the power music has in healing the heart? Even though I am listening to sad songs, there is the undertone of hope to most of them, and I think that is absorbing into my mind. I guess it makes me feel less alone as well... I mean, if Kanye, Taylor Swift, Kelly Clarkson, Prince, and Clay Aiken have been through it, then why should I feel bad? Crappy relationships happen to the best of us, and just because I fell for someone who didn't value me, doesn't mean I'm not of value. It's okay. I'm okay. This cloud will pass. Yeah, sure, I feel like a heaping pile of steaming poo at the moment, but eventually that can fertilize and grow something beautiful. I'm ready to become something beautiful.
~Jen
